The last 13 months have been quite interesting, to say the least. Last August I was let go from my job, it was quite unexpected, even more so because the reason I was given was incompetence. After a year and a half of working at the company, it was quite heart breaking. It was the first time I had been ever let go from a job. Moreover, whenever someone asked me what I did, I was so proud to say that I was a software developer. Especially that I had to work really hard to get my foot in the door only four years ago, as a self taught developer (with help from many many beautiful souls).
My next decision was to try and do something on my own, while looking for other jobs. In the next few months, I got a couple of React jobs but I wanted to something different this time. So I did not take them. Especially after working on an SDK the previous year, without having to do any UI. Turned out, I quite like working with data, without caring much about how it is presented aesthetically. Turned out that I just did not want to be a framework fiddler anymore. It's far too removed from programming for my liking. Little did I know those would be the only job offers I would receive since.
From October to February, I spent most of my time, building products, there were a few emails from the first one, as it was mostly free. The second got some attention, about ten people signed up but no one showed up to use if after the fist two weeks.
After working on the second product day and night for about two and a half months, I gave up, in a sense. I did not want to look at my terminal, or even sit down at my desk to even try. After a month into it, I decided something needed to change, so I did what every stuck person does, I took a lot of mushrooms. My reasoning was, how much worse could it get? Turns out a lot more. The next month, I fell into depression, did not leave the house for days on end, and ate all my feelings. It was a blessing in disguise.
They say, you find yourself in your lowest of lows, that really was rock bottom. By the end of those four weeks, I came to the realization that I needed help. That was the first good decision I had made in about three months. To my surprise, the change in my outlook was apparent just after four weeks. Through clinical help, I was able to shift my mindset and see things from a different perspective. I let go of most of my premonitions, and was ready get to work.
I went through a few more interviews, technically they were no challenge but most of the teams were hesitant to hire someone who wanted to build his own products. They were convinced that I was just looking for work, to fund my products. I don't know why it mattered what I did with my time and money. They turned out to be more blessings.
The change in mindset had made me more open to opportunities that I would have otherwise been quick to dismiss. Also time I spent building products before were not complete waste, I had drastically improved how fast I could get started with a project, and refined the tools I used to help me build websites on my own (Htmx btw).
What happened next is nothing short of dumb luck, a friend of a friend wanted a solution to his problem. We went in to his office to have a chat with him, and walked out there with a product that would genuinely solve problems for him and firms like his. Me and my friend, drew up a quick solution in excalidraw, prepared a business plan and we were off. The product is still a WIP so I'll talk about in detail later. We just submitted the first phase of the project yesterday and received our first payment. I paid my rent with it this month.
How did I pay my rent for the last thirteen months?
In case you are wondering about that. I used up all my savings, severance, my friend lent me some money, when that wasn't enough I sold my motorcycle. Loosing that motorcycle was a big fear of mine, but the day I decided to sell it, I felt a sense of freedom, I felt free.
Finally
This is a very condensed version of what happened. I have gone through a lot of changes the last year, I feel like I have grown a little. The best thing to come out this was that I decided to get help. Once, I was open to getting help, it helped me be more open to not doing everything on my own. That made some of the difference. I still continue to see my therapist, and am still re-organizaing parts of my life that I had neglected.